Can't Eat, Can't Sleep
by XIIXXCI
Summary: Emily is completley in love with Alison. Alison is completley in love with Emily. But does that mean they are meant to be? Who/what will cross there paths? Is love really enough? Only time will tell...
1. Chapter 1

"You care because of how much you love her. You accept all the bad and the reality of the situation because of how much you love her", said Hanna. All I could do was nod my head and grasp what my best friend had just said. Hanna's words smacked me right across my face because they were true, the love I have for Alison is a love that truly scares me. As the tears started swelling in my eyes, the lump in my throat was making it harder and harder for me to breathe. How could Alison have such a hold on me? All the hurt and pain she has caused… why do I still love her? Why can't I accept the fact that she doesn't love me in the way I want her to love me…what am I trying to prove….why is she playing these endless gam….

"Emily? Hellooooo... EARTH TO EMILY." Hanna said as she waived her right hand in front of Emily's eyes.

Emily suddenly snapped back into reality. She was sitting on her bed, legs positioned Indian style with a pillow resting in her lap. Hanna sat opposite looking into Emily's eyes, trying to read her mind. "Sorry Han, yours words struck a core; I was lost in my thoughts."

Hanna sighed, "I get it, I just don't want to see you hurt Em. I love both you and Alison."

They were silent for a couple more minutes, until finally Emily spoke. "You know the saying enough is enough. How does one know when they have had enough… do I even have a breaking point?"

Hanna crawled up beside Emily so they were side by side; they both laid their backs onto the endless piles of pillows.

After some deep thought Hanna replied, "Only you can determine that Em."

Emily knew she was right. She rested her head against Hanna's shoulder and let the tears roll down her cheeks. Hanna pulled her best friend into an embrace, rubbing her hand against Emily's shoulder. "You know you can always come to me about this Emily, I will never judge you on the decisions that you make."

Emily smiled with tears still coming down like water works, "This is why I love you Hanna banana." Hanna playfully pinched Emily's arm. "Please stop with that terrible nickname."

"Never."

Hanna chuckled. "I love you too Em."

Emily absolutely hated Mondays. The only thing that was going to get her through this long day was knowing that this was the final week of school before summer break. Lost in her thoughts, Emily walked into Rosewood High headed straight for her locker. She had ten minutes to kill before first period began. Yes, Emily thought to herself, summer was finally here. Emily was just bursting with excitement, the thought of her no longer being a junior after this school week brought a huge smile to her face. She knew this summer was going to be one to remember. Full of memories, laughs, and boundless slumber parties with her friends. She couldn't wait for the mornings where she could sleep in and the nights where she could stay up all night. She was ready for the tanned skin and endless days at the community swimming pool. She made it to her locker. Right to eleven, scrolling left two times until she landed on five and back one final time to the right as she made it towards seven. She pulled up the handle and opened her locker. As she started looking for the books she would need for her English class Alison popped into her mind… what was this summer going to be like for the two of them? But before she could even think on the thought, she caught a glimpse of a blonde in her peripheral. As she turned her head slightly to her left she saw the blonde walking right up to her. It was Alison. Emily immediately felt herself growing weak; it was as if she was walking in complete slow motion. Alison was wearing some tight ripped jeans, black sandal shoes and a flowy black tank top. Why is she so beautiful Emily thought to herself? As Alison approached Emily, she leaned against the wall of lockers, standing just inches away from Emily. Emily could practically feel Alison's body heat. They both smiled as their eyes made contact.

"Hey killer." As Alison met Emily's eyes she could feel her knees give in. The hair on the back of her neck started rising, nobody but Emily could make her feel this way. "Snap out of it Alison" said the voice inside her head. But she couldn't... she couldn't break away from Emily's dark chocolate eyes.

"Hey you." Emily felt her cheeks get hot, she knew she was blushing. Those eyes, ugh they were so blue.

They both just stood there. Eyes locked. It was like they were in a trance.

Emily was the one who had the courage to look away, she went back into her locker looking for her books. But she couldn't remember what books she was looking for…. What is my first period again she said to herself, or so she thought.

"English."

Emily looked back into those baby blue eyes, "Huh?"

"You just asked yourself what's my first period, so I answered for you. You have English dummy."

Emily laughed, "Was I talking to myself again?"

Alison started laughing but before she could answer she felt someone come up behind, pulling her into a bear hug. She felt this mysterious person nuzzle their head into her shoulder.

"Hey beautiful."

Alison turned to see who it was, although she instantly knew by the sound of his voice. It was her boyfriend Tyler. No wait, he wasn't her boyfriend. Those were his words not hers. Tyler was one who was afraid of commitment. He repeatedly told Alison that he loved her but still wanted to do his own thing… focus on "wrestling" he says. Alison knew better though, Tyler saying he wants to continue to do his own thing is his way of saying he still wants to talk to other people. Alison had been talking to Tyler for over a year now, on and off. Is she tired of his bullshit? Yes. Does she love him? Yes. But is it the can't eat, can't sleep, reach for the stars, over the fence, world series kind of love? No. Only one person could ever make her feel that way and that person is Emily Fields. Alison would give anything to be with Emily but she just can't. She can't because she depends on her father's approval. Alison's father would disown her if he ever found out about the feelings Alison has for Emily…. the things that they do. He holds her back from what she really wants, but Alison can't….

Alison is a daddy's girl. After her mother died, her father stepped up to the plate. Alison missed her mother every day, but her father promised he would always be there for her and he has. Growing up he made it to all her recitals and plays, helped her with her homework, packed her lunches, taught her how to drive; HE DID EVERYTHING. She would do anything for her father. He is the one she goes to for advice, he is her shoulder to lean on. Being with Emily would hurt her father and that is something she will never do. He already lost the love of his life… loosing Alison would destroy him.

Alison is facing Tyler now, "What's up handsome?" Tyler reminds her of Stefan Salvatore from The Vampire Diaries. He's got the killer eyes, brooding stare and dark hair but his body is strong due to his wrestling critique. He kisses her lightly on her nose, and then steps back. "I just wanted to see you real quick before class.. later babe." Then he's gone, as if he was never even there in the first place. Alison rolls her eyes, her mind wandering...yeah a quick hi so none of your other girls will notice us speaking. She sighs and then she remembers Emily is right behind her. She slowly turns around, afraid of what is about to happen. She doesn't like hurting Emily but she already knows that she has. She hates the fact that she has to walk on egg shells around her…. don't be selfish Ali says to herself.

She completely turns around, face to face with Emily again.

Emily can feel her eyes swelling with tears but she blinks them back. She doesn't want Alison to see her like this, jealous. No she feels hurt. She is in love with a girl who is clearly in love with somebody else. It sickens her, she can feel her heart cracking.

They both cannot utter a word, neither can speak. The bell rings. People start hustling, running towards homeroom.

Alison sees the tears in Emily's eyes. She doesn't know what to do. Wait she does know what to do.. tell Emily how she really feels. Come on Ali, she says to herself.. trying to round up the courage. She opens her mouth to speak but nothing comes out.

A tear escapes running down Emily's cheek, she quickly wipes it away turns around and leaves. Alison is left all alone.

Alison eyes follow Emily as she walks down the hall, they continue to follow her until she makes her way around the corner…. disappearing.

"I love you." she says quietly. Great timing Alison, says the voice inside her head.

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**Should I continue? Please rate. **


	2. Chapter 2

Emily found herself standing on the diving board …staring down at the water below. She knew being here would help her with the hurt she was feeling. Swimming just made everything better, like she was at peace with the world. It was just her and the water... once she made contact with the piercing blue liquid nothing else mattered. It was hard to believe it was only Thursday, but then again it didn't…. the last couple of days felt like a complete blur for Emily. She couldn't shake the encounter she had with Alison back on Monday. Everything hurt for the poor girl. She felt tired all the time, she couldn't focus in class… all she could think about was Ali. Every little thing reminded her of the blue eyed blonde.

Every little thing.

Emily would find herself brushing her hair and by the end she would be thinking of the way Alison brushes her hair... she would be studying for her finals but then her back thoughts would lead right back to Ali, wondering what she was doing...who she was with? Emily even tried to go for a run during the week to clear her mind, but she wound up in Alison's backyard…. her subconscious just led the way.

She just couldn't shake the feelings she was developing for Alison. She would give anything to truly be her friend but it was like her heart wouldn't let her… Ugh, stop it Emily… you came here to stop thinking about her. Emily slowing started jumping up and down to build up her momentum. Just breathe, just breath… everything will be okay. She closed her eyes, brought her arms upright to form into the diving position… one more jump and she leaped into the water. The cold rush took over her… she felt free.

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Alison knew Emily was avoiding her. She had been texting and calling her all week but never received a reply. Hanna, Aria, and Spencer said they only saw her in class… they too had been trying to get in contact with her. Deep down Alison knew it was because of her actions. Shoot, even she felt terrible after what happened on Monday. But she didn't think it would cause her and Emily not to speak… she figured Emily would get over it and they would be fine. Like always. But it felt different this time. Alison was missing Emily like crazy. She was hurting. That is why she had to find her… they needed to speak. She needed Emily to help the hurt go away.

So Alison set off on a mission. School had already ended for the day.. Alison assumed Emily went home. She quickly rushed over to Emily's house… but nobody was there. Alison knew Emily's schedule like it was her own. She knew she wasn't working; all of Emily's finals were over for the week… and then it hit her… Alison knew exactly where Emily was.

Alison heard a body dive right into the water. She smirked a little at herself, she knew Emily too well.

She quietly opened the door to the school swimming pool. Nobody else was there...it was just Emily swimming back and forth. Alison felt herself go into a trance; seeing Emily in the water took her breath away. She was a mermaid.. a tanned, exotic mermaid… the most beautiful thing she had ever laid eyes on. Alison walked to the side of the pool. She slid off her flip flops and set them beside her with her back pack. Good day to wear shorts, she said to herself. She sat down letting her legs make contact with the cold, yet refreshing water. She continued to sit there watching Emily go at it.

She felt an animal, like she was eyeing her prey… but she didn't care. Emily made her feel this way.

Ten minutes went by. Alison saw Emily slow down and come to a stop at the end of the pool where the line of diving boards sits. She watched as Emily took off her goggles and hair cap, her raven black hair slowly unfolding around her. She then watched as Emily took a deep breath and dipped under the water. She stayed under the water for at least thirty seconds until finally coming up for air. Alison could not believe how beautiful Emily looked. Her genes were everything. Emily pulled herself to get out of the pool… Alison blinked realizing Emily was about to go away… then she called out, "Em."

Emily turned around as she heard her name… half her body was still in the pool… her hands just resting on the pavement ready to push the rest of her body out. She saw Alison sitting on the pool side… the way the water was reflecting off her toned skin and blonde hair made Emily shiver. She jumped back into the water and swam her way over. She popped up beside Alison's legs. Her hands wiped over her face… and then she opened her eyes. She saw a smile creep onto Alison's face. Her smile made Emily smile…so there they were… smiling at each other…oblivious to the world.

"How did you find me?"

Alison let out a little chuckle, "You act like I don't know you Emily."

Emily rolled her eyes and let her body sway in the water…..

Silence hit them.

This time it was Alison who spoke first.

"Why have you been avoiding me Emily? I've been texting and calling all week. Shit, even the girls noticed you being MIA."

Emily sighed.. she grabbed Alison's right leg for support. Alison immediately felt a shock of electricity go up her leg… reaching all the way to the back of her neck. She remained calm, acting as if the contact had no effect.

The lie easily slipped away from Emily's lips, "I know…I'm sorry Ali. Finals were kicking my ass this week.. I needed to focus." Emily was not going to reveal to Alison that the reason for her sudden disappearance had everything to do with her. That would give Alison all the power that she needed... Emily was not going to let that happen.

Alison's face became stern. "Okay I could've sworn I just told you I know you… meaning I know when you lie."

Jokingly Emily said, "Guess you don't know me then."

Alison's face remained stern, her piercing eyes making contact with Emily's. She felt an attitude approaching.

"Uh huh, whatever Em."

Silence again.

This conversation was not going in the direction Alison had wanted it too.

Ignoring Alison's smart remark… Emily asked, "So why are you here?" Still swaying in the water, she now had both of her arms on Alison's legs.. one on the right, while the other on the left. It was like Alison was helping Emily hold on for dear life.

Alison looked down at her hands and said softly, "Because I missed you."

Emily stopped her swaying. Did she just hear what she thought she heard? She looked up at Alison's soft face. The look she saw was a look she had never seen before. Wait, were those tears swelling up in her eyes? Emily let go of Alison's legs and pushed herself to sit right beside her. She grabbed Alison's left hand and let their fingers intertwine.

Silence… for the third time? Who knows, they both lost count at this point.

Emily's thoughts were all over the place. She stared at the lighted pool. She kept thinking why is Ali crying? What about Tyler? Is she hurting like I'm hurting?

Alison's heart skipped a few beats. Just five minutes ago Emily was annoying her beyond belief with her lies and now she was on the verge of crying… and over nothing!? But was it really nothing? How does Emily have this control over her?

Emily didn't know what to do…. until her body made the decision for her.

She released their hands and steadily reached out for Alison's face. She watched as a tear drop fell from Alison's left eye… falling down her cheek. Emily leaned in, eyes closed, and brushed the tear away with her lips. Alison immediately felt her heart give out. She couldn't breathe. Emily's lips felt so soft against her cheek, with the impact they were getting hotter. She then closed her eyes as well, turning her body towards Emily… resting her hands on her thighs. She felt herself growing increasingly hungry for Emily's lips. Emily broke away just a little, still just inches from Alison's face. She felt Ali growing closer.. feeling her weight lay on her thighs.. the body heat thickening. She leaned in closer taking in what was about to happen. She softly met Alison's lips, and let her eyes close as well. Her lips were so soft… Emily could taste the cherry chapstick. She slowly gave Alison a soft, yet fulfilling kiss on the lips. She then opened her mouth just a little, caressing Alison's tongue. Alison immediately moaned as she felt Emily's tongue play with hers. She lifted one hand off Emily's thigh to cup the right side of her face… pulling her in closer. Emily slowly leaned back to lay on the pavement, taking Alison down with her. Alison could feel how wet Emily felt from the pool but she didn't care… it made everything just a little bit more electrifying. Alison let her body weight lay on Emily. They both were hungry for one another. The kiss immediately turned into a beautiful make out session. Emily attempted to roll over to lay on top of Alison but before she knew it…

SPLASH.

They both fell into the pool.

Alison was the first to recover. Her head popping up, laughing hysterically. Emily soon followed laughing as well.

"You did that on purpose", Alison said to Emily.

Emily couldn't stop laughing, "No I swear, it just happened. I was in the moment."

Alison just shook her head, still laughing. She swam over to the corner sitting on the steps. Emily followed sitting right beside her.

"Sooooooo there's this party tonight. Noel's throwing this huge bash because tomorrow's the last day of school."

Emily looked at Alison, "You going?"

"Of course I'm going… Alison DiLaurentis has to make an appearance." Alison hesitated a little, knowing what she was about to say was going to kill Emily. "Actually I'm going with Tyler."

"Oh."

Quickly Alison said, "But I know the girls are going to be there too… so you'll have people to be with. "

Emily became increasingly upset. She chuckled… What was Alison's problem? Before Emily knew it word vomit erupted from her mouth, "You really have the nerve Ali…. What the hell was all of this? Were you just kissing me because you were bored… until Tyler was ready to take you to the party? "

Alison tried to answer but Emily would not let her.

"He's probably too busy making out with other girls anway."

"Emily don't", Alison could now feel herself becoming upset.

Emily now standing up, started climbing the steps, walking away. But she just couldn't stop talking… she had to let Alison know how she felt.

"What it's the truth? You can't handle the truth can you? Well how about this Ali.. I love you more than anything in this whole entire world. I think about you all the time, miss you all the time. It's unhealthy that's for sure. But what kills me is that I'm in love with someone who's clearly in love with somebody else. Someone who's clearly using me because she's not getting the attention she wants from someone else. You would think I would walk away.. but no Emily's still here. Like dammit Ali, I love the little happy dance you do when you're eating good food, the way you chew on pencils when you're doing your homework, I love how you took me to the kissing rock and spray painted our names on it… I even love the way you sing in the shower. Everything about you I love. I love you more than that asshole Tyler ever will. I know more about you then he ever will. You don't deserve the way he treats you… But I'm tired… I'm tired Ali. I'm tired of waiting for you to realize what we have." Emily felt her tears exploding. She then saw Alison as she was crying too. But the word vomit just kept on rolling; nothing was stopping her at this point. "Why all the games, why do this to me when you see how it's hurting me? We have something Ali… something so real. I know you feel it… tell me you feel it Ali?" Emily could feel herself pleading but she didn't care.. she had to know.

All Alison wanted to do was run to Emily pulling her into a hug and then whispering into her ear, "I feel it Emily.. I'm never letting you go."

But she couldn't… and she wouldn't.

Alison tried to fight through the tears; she had to say what she needed to say. She had to let Emily go. She was hurting her. The one thing Alison never wanted to do was hurt Emily, but yet that was exactly what she was doing.. time and time again. She wanted to see Emily happy… she knew Emily would never find that happiness with her. She had to be strong for the both of them. Alison breathed in and slowly she started,

"I care for you Emily, I really do… but only as a friend. You're wrong. I feel nothing and will never feel for you in the way that you feel for me. Tyler is the one person that I love, which is why I always go back to him. I use you when he doesn't give me the attention that I want. I know that is wrong.. but I always thought it was harmless. I never thought you felt for me this way. For that I am sorry, but I can never and will never give you what you want from me."

Emily felt herself growing pale… she was becoming weak. She didn't know what to think, what to feel. She felt helpless.

Alison walked over to grab Emily's hand. But Emily pulled away…

"I'm done Alison. I want nothing to do with you."

"Emily, please we can still be friends."

Emily screamed, "Friends? FRIENDS? You were never my friend Alison."

Emily turned around and walked away heading straight for the girl's locker room... walking away from Alison for the very last time.

Alison fell to the ground, unable to stop crying. She knew what she did was for the best... but was it really? Letting Emily go was the right thing to do... but what about her happiness? Her wants her needs... but she immediately thought of her father and her problem was solved. Alison stood up, wiping away her tears. Get it together Alison, said the voice inside her head. She walked over to grab her flip flops and back pack and headed straight for the door. She had to put Emily behind her and just forget about her... she had to be strong.

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**Thoughts? Please rate :) ** And I know, this chapter was kind of deep... but that was my intention. I wanted you guys to feel the hurt, the pleasure, **everything.** I want to make there story as realistic as possible. Next chapter will be fun though... it will solely take place at Noel's party.


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